November 2009
1 post
You Can't Lose
If you find a winning gambler who doesn’t like to lose, what will he do if you bet him he won’t give you all his money?
September 2008
1 post
Conditioning
Did Pavlov condition dogs to salivate at the ringing of a bell, or did the dogs condition Pavlov to ring the bell?
March 2008
15 posts
Passion
To be a successful writer, write about your passion, or passion fruit, whichever is easier.
A Bird in the Hand
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless the two have a nest, then you can take their eggs, incubate them, raise the little birdies and have two or more birds.
The Monkey and the Squirrel
A squirrel and a monkey walked into a bar, but you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
Floating Out to Sea
No man is an island, but that depends upon how large the man is and how you define “island.”
Reading is Believing
If you believe everything you read, you’re better off just watching television.
When You Wish...
What happens when you wish upon a falling star?
Time
Time flies when you need to get something done.
Wit's End
This is where I draw the line_________________________.
Gardening
As you sow, so shall you reap, unless you’re lazy or hire someone to do it.
If I Were...
If I were a tree, I wouldn’t be blogging.
Daily Proclamation: I'm Gonna Be
But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more, but only for $100 per mile and not all at once.
Politics as Usual
Politicians are little more than a bunch of pots calling the kettles black.
Miles of Smiles
A smile a day proudly displays the broccoli stuck between your two front teeth.
Four-Leaf Clover
If you’re overlooking something, how do you know you’ve overlooked it?
Mathematics
One is the loneliest number, except for zero, or x which doesn’t even know what it is.
Land Shark
If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day but if you teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime unless he lives in the desert in which case you’re a cruel, heartless individual.
February 2008
29 posts
Paging Dr. Doolittle
So then the squirrel says… hold on, squirrels don’t talk!
Directional Physics
It may be a stone’s throw away, but how big is the stone, what velocity and direction is the wind blowing and who’s throwing the stone?
Baseball
I was a relief pitcher once, but the umpire called foul when I soaked the batter.
Windstorms
A wind is a terrible thing to haste.
Speechless, But Never Wordless
Can a lack of words ever be accurately conveyed by using words?
Boiling Point
A watched kettle never boils, unless you keep your finger in it, which I wouldn’t recommend.
Wishy Fishy
If you wish with a wishbone, can you fish with a fishbone?
Not Living the Dream
The more you sleep, the less you’re awake.
The Road Less Traveled
Whenever possible, I prefer to take the road less traveled as there is less traffic and fewer potholes and the crazy hitchhikers tend to stick to the main roads, which makes them especially bumpy and hard on your vehicle’s suspension.
Scandalous
If you roll a candle in sand, is it a scandal?
Defining the Middle Class
When Republicans talk about tax breaks for the middle class, they are talking about people richer than you and, when Democrats talk about tax cuts for the middle class, they are talking about people poorer than you but, whenever either one of them talks about tax hikes for the middle class, they are talking about you.
Mathematics
I’ve got two words for you: I can’t count.
Pride Cometh Before a Fall
A lion’s pride will eat him if he shows signs of weakness, though I could be wrong, but do you want to take that chance?
Proof Positive
Our lungs release carbon dioxide when we exhale, such as when we talk, and Al Gore says that carbon dioxide causes global warming, so that is proof that politicians are full of hot air.
Pre-Caesar
Beware the ides of February!
Odd
Turn that frown upside-down by thinking of a scary clown!
The Dish and the Spoon
Then did the bowl run off with the fork?
Water, Water Everywhere
Can you drown in snow?
The Best Slept Plans
The earlier I plan to go to bed, the later I end up staying up.
Should You Just Drink Water?
Green tea is better for you than black tea and white tea is better than green tea, so if the lighter tea gets, the better it is, then maybe we should just drink plain water?
Rulers
Do you think kings and queens like to measure things?
Once in a...
If I had a spaceship, I’d go out and paint the moon blue just to see the chaos that would ensue back on Earth.
But What Does It Mean?
A broken clock is right twice a day, unless it’s on military time.
Understanding English
You can have a head of lice and a room full of mice, but why not a closet full of blice?
Value
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless the bush is indoors and all the doors and windows are closed.
Legal Question
If a scientist creates anti-gravity, will he be arrested for breaking the law?
If a tree falls...
If no one reads a blog, was it ever really written?
Wrong Way to Lose Weight
Is your refrigerator running, because I don’t think it’s the one that needs the exercise?
Oranges are Orange
If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
January 2008
9 posts
To Serve Man
A mind is a terrible thing to baste but is much better battered and fried in a garlic butter sauce.
Pen Garde!
The pen is mightier than the sword, but the sword is preferable in physical combat.
The Best Laid Plans...
Dead men tell no tales, unless they were wearing a wire.